Thursday, June 14, 2012
Self Care-God's Command
When was the last time you...
Slept 7, 8, or 9 hours in a row
Ate a balanced meal
Grabbed some solitude
Prayed, read your Bible, or journaled
Showered, shaved, or otherwise cared for your body
Spent time with a friend
Did something fun
Exercised
Took your meds correctly
Relaxed
If your answer to more than one of these items is "a week or more ago," you may need some help in the self-care department. Self-care is the thing that goes out the window, when we feel the demands placed on us require more than we have to give. Self-care is the thing that requires respect for who we are and who we are capable of being, in order to follow through with. Self-care is the thing that when used well, allows us to endure hard things, enjoy fun things, and make the best of average things. Self-care is being a good steward of the resources we've been blessed with.
Usually, when I'm having this conversation, one of the strongest and most common responses I receive is, "Isn't taking care of myself, selfish? The kids need dinner, my husband wants the house cleaned, and I have to bring work home just so I can keep my job. There are only so many hours in the day. I'm just being selfish if I take a bath instead of feeding my children!" Maybe....
The Bible requires us to "Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." Philippians 2:4. This scripture is talking about placing others at a higher value than ourselves, but in order to place others at a higher value, we have to place ourselves as having some value. The scripture does not say, "only" look out for the interests of others. It says, "but also for the interests of others. This indicates that looking out for our own interest is acceptable as long as it is not the only thing we're looking out for.
The Bible also says "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:30-31. Again, in order to love your neighbor as yourself, you must first love yourself. And this is included in the top two instructions we're given by the Lord! By all means, you better get yourself in that bathtub sometime SOON! It's not selfish to take care of yourself, it's only selfish to indulge when finances, time, or other factors suggest another choice would be better.
Sometimes our lack of self care is due to more than feeling selfish, poor boundaries, or poor time management. Hard times, whether that means relationship problems, financial strain, loss, depression, or something else, also keep us from taking care of ourselves. We forget the value of setting aside time for ourselves, we don't have the energy to exercise, and we don't feel like making a date with friends. More important things like paying the bills, spending time at the hospital with Mom, or having another fight with our spouse, steal our time and energy. These are the most important times to invest in self-care activities. Without proper sleep, nutrition, exercise, and emotional care, we cannot possibly step into the harsh realities of our lives in a way that allows us to fully own our reactions and take appropriate action. The best chance you have at conquering the biggest challenge in your life, begins with ensuring you remain committed to self-care in the process. Not only is it necessary for healthy functioning, but it's good practice for the harder acts of self love in your life. Things like ending a relationship, changing your spending habits, seeking counseling, or quitting your unhealthy job.
So whether it be eating better, sleeping better, getting a massage, or saying "No" once in a while, start small and get big. Get big about putting you higher on the priority list. Get big about acknowledging the difference between the you that's tired and stressed, and the you that can think straight because you didn't answer that call and got to bed earlier. Get big about taking care of the resources God blessed you with (your mind and body), instead of running them into the ground. Taking care of ourselves is not only something we shouldn't feel guilty about, but something we should feel proud to let others see. Let's show 'em how it's done!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
On Dating in 2012: Are You Serious, God?
I have had the unfortunate opportunity of reentering the dating world in my mid-thirties. Thankfully, after a few years of that type of torture, God has blessed me with an incredible man I plan to marry. Even now, in the midst of our engagement, I say to the Lord, “Are you serious?”
The dating culture for post-college Christians is all but miserable, in my opinion. We want to meet like-minded others, for the prospect of marriage, yet the avenues through which this is available are pitifully limited. Whether we choose online dating, speed dating, dating services, or blind dates, the process is often exhausting, exposing, and yields minimal results. After months or years of the roller coaster of having our hopes heightened and quickly crushed, many of us fall to a place of blaming God. You are the one who created this world full of sin, and you did it knowing the outcome. You knew in the beginning of time, what 2012 would look like and how hard dating would be in a culture that has such little respect for humanity and even less respect for the institution of marriage. I find myself checking the skies occasionally, making sure there’s no sulfur leaking out. How can you ask us to seek and offer love in an environment such as this?
I have been reminded of the scripture that says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. The thought is superficially comforting, until I find myself thinking…Ok, but when?
I’ve also been told I should “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” Matthew 7:7. Yes, if I ask for salvation, or forgiveness of sin, or something similar, this is surely true. But when it comes to asking for a man to marry, or a particular job, or having children, I realize my thoughts are not God’s thoughts and He may know something that makes those things not the best thing for me. So it’s not accurate to say anything you ask with faith, shall be granted. Stop telling me I haven’t asked God enough or had enough faith to have what I want.
“Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10. Now, this is a scripture that comforts me. This reminds me that victory is mine, because I am God’s. Victory may require me to adjust my expectations of what something will look like, when it will happen, and how it will happen. But I should not be afraid or discouraged because God will strengthen me and help me. What I feel like I can’t face, he will give me the strength to face. What I feel like I can’t possibly accept, he will help me accept. And in the end, He will be victorious. And so will I.
In the meantime, the idea of continuing to long for things, and at the same time knowing I may never get them, is daunting. The pain of hoping , sometimes feels worse than deciding what I want will never come to be. Hoping but not receiving, leaves me vacillating between wondering if there’s something wrong with me, and trying to accept that God’s grace and perfect timing are true and working in my life. The longings I have are supposedly gifts from the Lord, but when they are unmet, they feel more like deficiencies than gifts.
Philippians 4:11-13 says “…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” So I’m supposed to long AND be content in the Lord? Yes, I think that’s what the Bible says. This scripture tells us to learn to be content. Dozens of other scriptures tell us to hope. God is many things, some of them seemingly contradictory, all at once. He is just and merciful, He is present in the world, and transcends space and time. Here He’s telling us we need to be two seemingly contradictory things: hopeful, and content. Maybe your struggle is not with dating, but wanting a different job, a better relationship, more opportunities, or more children. Whatever your struggle, I encourage you to fully embrace your experience of frustration, disappointment, longing, and pain, and pursue contentment.
God’s purpose for us is sanctification-making us more like Christ, for His purposes. I can’t say I understand why God asks us to date and marry in a world where what we want in any particular moment, is the only thing that seems to matter to most Americans. I also don’t understand why when we’re brave enough to do that, we’re not always rewarded with someone to love. But I do trust God’s character (loving, omniscient, sovereign, merciful, etc.) and his purpose for us (sanctity and relationship with Him). And for those reasons, I will continue to long for the desires of my heart, shaking my fist when it feels necessary, and I will continue to seek contentment in His love.
The dating culture for post-college Christians is all but miserable, in my opinion. We want to meet like-minded others, for the prospect of marriage, yet the avenues through which this is available are pitifully limited. Whether we choose online dating, speed dating, dating services, or blind dates, the process is often exhausting, exposing, and yields minimal results. After months or years of the roller coaster of having our hopes heightened and quickly crushed, many of us fall to a place of blaming God. You are the one who created this world full of sin, and you did it knowing the outcome. You knew in the beginning of time, what 2012 would look like and how hard dating would be in a culture that has such little respect for humanity and even less respect for the institution of marriage. I find myself checking the skies occasionally, making sure there’s no sulfur leaking out. How can you ask us to seek and offer love in an environment such as this?
I have been reminded of the scripture that says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. The thought is superficially comforting, until I find myself thinking…Ok, but when?
I’ve also been told I should “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” Matthew 7:7. Yes, if I ask for salvation, or forgiveness of sin, or something similar, this is surely true. But when it comes to asking for a man to marry, or a particular job, or having children, I realize my thoughts are not God’s thoughts and He may know something that makes those things not the best thing for me. So it’s not accurate to say anything you ask with faith, shall be granted. Stop telling me I haven’t asked God enough or had enough faith to have what I want.
“Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10. Now, this is a scripture that comforts me. This reminds me that victory is mine, because I am God’s. Victory may require me to adjust my expectations of what something will look like, when it will happen, and how it will happen. But I should not be afraid or discouraged because God will strengthen me and help me. What I feel like I can’t face, he will give me the strength to face. What I feel like I can’t possibly accept, he will help me accept. And in the end, He will be victorious. And so will I.
In the meantime, the idea of continuing to long for things, and at the same time knowing I may never get them, is daunting. The pain of hoping , sometimes feels worse than deciding what I want will never come to be. Hoping but not receiving, leaves me vacillating between wondering if there’s something wrong with me, and trying to accept that God’s grace and perfect timing are true and working in my life. The longings I have are supposedly gifts from the Lord, but when they are unmet, they feel more like deficiencies than gifts.
Philippians 4:11-13 says “…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” So I’m supposed to long AND be content in the Lord? Yes, I think that’s what the Bible says. This scripture tells us to learn to be content. Dozens of other scriptures tell us to hope. God is many things, some of them seemingly contradictory, all at once. He is just and merciful, He is present in the world, and transcends space and time. Here He’s telling us we need to be two seemingly contradictory things: hopeful, and content. Maybe your struggle is not with dating, but wanting a different job, a better relationship, more opportunities, or more children. Whatever your struggle, I encourage you to fully embrace your experience of frustration, disappointment, longing, and pain, and pursue contentment.
God’s purpose for us is sanctification-making us more like Christ, for His purposes. I can’t say I understand why God asks us to date and marry in a world where what we want in any particular moment, is the only thing that seems to matter to most Americans. I also don’t understand why when we’re brave enough to do that, we’re not always rewarded with someone to love. But I do trust God’s character (loving, omniscient, sovereign, merciful, etc.) and his purpose for us (sanctity and relationship with Him). And for those reasons, I will continue to long for the desires of my heart, shaking my fist when it feels necessary, and I will continue to seek contentment in His love.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
If I could have just one wish
If I could have just one wish, the ugliest of emotions, would viciously cage my heart. Contempt would rule, and the castle of my being would crumble. All the longing I’ve worked to allow, would be ripped away leaving my soul as nothing more than a shell, housing one single, solitary, empty wish. One wish, allows miniscule amounts of hope to survive. One wish only, crushes the infinite blessing of dreaming- the place where redemption never ceases and beauty is always available. One wish steals the desire that drives me to seek and find, try and learn, work and succeed. One wish is robbery. For the act of wishing, is in itself, often more life-giving, than the wish coming true.
-Jennifer Morgan
-Jennifer Morgan
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Woe to Winter
I've heard some people recently insisting they love winter. Given the mild winter we're having, I haven't put up much resistance to their optimism. But had I been asked my opinion, I would reply, "Winter sucks! The cold is paralyzing, the wind is harsh and biting, and walking in snow feels like moving in the shallow end of a swimming pool." Every year I become burdened with the heaviness of winter. Sometimes to the degree of seasonal depression, other times I'm blessed to only become a little down, apathetic, or discouraged. This year, likely because of its mildness, winter has only brought me down a little. I find myself feeling unmotivated, irritated, and largely stagnant. My heart longs for growth and renewal, yet the prospect of it becomes too exhausting to pursue.
A conversation with a colleague recently reminded me, one of the best techniques we have to treat depression. The idea that often, depression is simply helped by doing something. Anything. One of the most prevalent symptoms of depression is lack of motivation; not caring enough to force oneself to do something when we don't feel like it. When clients tell me, "Yes, Jennifer, that's a good idea. But when the time comes, I just don't feel like doing it." My response is usually, "That's OK. But I think it would help you to do it anyway." Inevitably, they will do it, even though they don't feel like it, and they will begin to feel better. Not because that particular action worked any kind of miracle, but because one thing leads to another. One positive action leads to another positive thought or action, which leads to another to another to another. When it comes to depression, doing something will almost always be better than doing nothing.
This is advice I could use when winter has me feeling stuck and stubborn. Rather than becoming paralyzed when life feels too dense to step into, I would like to remember that if I do something, anything, I will likely feel better about doing the next thing. One step at a time.
At the same time, I would like to advise myself to sink into winter. The cold, sometimes dark days, present good opportunities to curl up and watch a movie, or read a book. Whether I'm choosing to do this, or feel like its the only choice possible, I would like to allow myself to enjoy these moments. Because the Lord knows, summer will soon be here, and the heat and overwhelming busyness of the season will cause me to write a blog entitled, "Woe to Summer, Give Us Some Rain!"
A conversation with a colleague recently reminded me, one of the best techniques we have to treat depression. The idea that often, depression is simply helped by doing something. Anything. One of the most prevalent symptoms of depression is lack of motivation; not caring enough to force oneself to do something when we don't feel like it. When clients tell me, "Yes, Jennifer, that's a good idea. But when the time comes, I just don't feel like doing it." My response is usually, "That's OK. But I think it would help you to do it anyway." Inevitably, they will do it, even though they don't feel like it, and they will begin to feel better. Not because that particular action worked any kind of miracle, but because one thing leads to another. One positive action leads to another positive thought or action, which leads to another to another to another. When it comes to depression, doing something will almost always be better than doing nothing.
This is advice I could use when winter has me feeling stuck and stubborn. Rather than becoming paralyzed when life feels too dense to step into, I would like to remember that if I do something, anything, I will likely feel better about doing the next thing. One step at a time.
At the same time, I would like to advise myself to sink into winter. The cold, sometimes dark days, present good opportunities to curl up and watch a movie, or read a book. Whether I'm choosing to do this, or feel like its the only choice possible, I would like to allow myself to enjoy these moments. Because the Lord knows, summer will soon be here, and the heat and overwhelming busyness of the season will cause me to write a blog entitled, "Woe to Summer, Give Us Some Rain!"
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
CHANGE
What is it about change, exactly, that sends us in shameless retreat, wishing we had never revealed our hopes or asked for anything more? When change intrudes at times we have not wished for more, our reaction is even worse...blaming others for the situation, cursing Adam and Eve, bargaining with God for the transition to end. What is it about change that causes paralysis in our hearts? How does change instill such fear that we no longer find perseverance, healthy risk, or sanctification virtuous enough to pursue?
The last two months have been prime time for me to explore these issues. Through the process of hiring my first employees and simultaneously upgrading office locations, I have been confronted with the reality of my heart in the midst of change. The truth is, that I have been looking for a desired result to indicate the rightness or wrongness of decisions I've been making. Rather than allowing myself to be immersed in the journey of each particular decision, I have been waiting for each thing to work out or fall apart to let me know I followed God well. I know that in living this way, I overlook much of the experience God is offering. Yet, I fall into the same rut with each decision.
The last two months have been prime time for me to explore these issues. Through the process of hiring my first employees and simultaneously upgrading office locations, I have been confronted with the reality of my heart in the midst of change. The truth is, that I have been looking for a desired result to indicate the rightness or wrongness of decisions I've been making. Rather than allowing myself to be immersed in the journey of each particular decision, I have been waiting for each thing to work out or fall apart to let me know I followed God well. I know that in living this way, I overlook much of the experience God is offering. Yet, I fall into the same rut with each decision.
If only I could view change as something more neutral, than bad. Change is necessary to get where I want to go. Change requires trust, patience, flexibility, openness...it also sometimes means not getting my way, disappointment, uncertainty, and chaos. None of those things seem life threatening, now that I think about it. But I'm afraid of them. I fear that God doesn't truly understand how important it is to have beauty in my office or absolute trust in my employees, which keeps me from relaxing into the journey. Does he really take into consideration that having office windows that open would make a big difference in my quality of life? Does it even occur to him that I would prefer to control my own thermostat? The thing is, He does. He thinks of every little detail I do, and a multitude of ones I do not. And not only does He think of them, he cares about them as much as I do, if not more. The difference between my view and His, is that He's looking at all His other children who are affected by the circumstances I'm dealing with. And he chooses to do what's best for all of His children, even when it means than some of them may feel disappointed.
Maybe if I remember that what seems like negative change to me, could really be quite positive for another one of His children, I might be more flexible when change arrives in the future. In the meantime, I'll keep reminding myself, "Breathe. Breathe. Breathe."
Thursday, September 8, 2011
MCS is Moving!
Dear Friends, Family, Clients & Colleagues,
It is with much anticipation and excitement, that I write to inform you of some exciting changes happening at Morgan Counseling Services LLC. For many years, I have dreamt of what Morgan Counseling Services would become, and recently I have taken the first steps in making that dream come true.
As of October 3, 2011, Morgan Counseling Services will be located in a new office suite at 11222 Tesson Ferry Rd, approximately one mile north of our current location. This new location provides several features I am excited to have, namely additional safety features, larger office space, and a more beautiful setting. Please click on this link to familiarize yourself with our new location.
Additionally, I am thrilled to introduce two employees at Morgan Counseling Services LLC; Lisa Hueckel M.A., PLPC, and Sandy Kallaos M.A.C., CIT. Lisa has been working toward her licensure under my supervision for more than three years, and Sandy is beginning her post-graduate hours toward earning her licensure. In addition to her role as counselor, Sandy will be acting as Administrative Coordinator for MCS. You may contact Sandy at 314.221.3773 or Sandy@morgancounselingservices.com for help with billing, scheduling, and other administrative issues.
We trust you will feel comfortable in our new space, and look forward to meeting you there.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Morgan
It is with much anticipation and excitement, that I write to inform you of some exciting changes happening at Morgan Counseling Services LLC. For many years, I have dreamt of what Morgan Counseling Services would become, and recently I have taken the first steps in making that dream come true.
As of October 3, 2011, Morgan Counseling Services will be located in a new office suite at 11222 Tesson Ferry Rd, approximately one mile north of our current location. This new location provides several features I am excited to have, namely additional safety features, larger office space, and a more beautiful setting. Please click on this link to familiarize yourself with our new location.
Additionally, I am thrilled to introduce two employees at Morgan Counseling Services LLC; Lisa Hueckel M.A., PLPC, and Sandy Kallaos M.A.C., CIT. Lisa has been working toward her licensure under my supervision for more than three years, and Sandy is beginning her post-graduate hours toward earning her licensure. In addition to her role as counselor, Sandy will be acting as Administrative Coordinator for MCS. You may contact Sandy at 314.221.3773 or Sandy@morgancounselingservices.com for help with billing, scheduling, and other administrative issues.
We trust you will feel comfortable in our new space, and look forward to meeting you there.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Morgan
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I Don't Have Time for God
Although it may seem upon first glance, that I have forgotten about this blog, I have not. Remembering has been a thorn in my side since my last post in December. I want to write, I thoroughly enjoy writing. However, not a single post since the beginning of this blog has been my own writing. I have edited and compiled in a way that I hoped appeared to be blogging. Even if I fooled some of you, which is unlikely, I have not fooled myself. I just don't have time to do it as well I would like.
I have a relative who in the past, used the phrase "I don't have time," until it was broken down and useless in her vocabulary. When I heard it used I imagined rolling my eyes and shouting, "Get over it!" What I was thinking was that if she managed her time differently, prioritized better, or set better boundaries, she wouldn't have that problem. I never viewed lacking time as an actual, valid dilemma. I thought it was purely the result of poor choices.
To some extent I still believe this. It is our society that is to blame, for suggesting we put so much on our plates, in order to measure up to the "norm". If Americans valued humans as much as they do output, I don't think we'd be in the time dilemma we find ourselves. Recently I've been having problems with my computer and several days I've been without a computer at work. Those days have been the most relaxed, client-focused days I've had in years. It has caused me to contemplate intentionally leaving my computer at home once a week, or some other manner of regularly releasing myself from the chains of technology. Doing so allows me time to do things I normally tell myself I don't have time to do, like updating the year stickers on my charts, and organizing my office. When I'm really taking care of myself I'll read or pray or reflect.
The realization I've had over the last 6 months, is that no matter how well one manages his or her time, there are still times when there just isn't enough time. I've tried to explain with logic and evidence, why my life suddenly got so busy and still fail to understand what happened exactly. All I know is that beginning January of 2011, I have been so busy, I don't have time. I don't have time for friends, I don't have time to clean, I don't have time to think (which I really miss). Sometimes I don't have time to shower. And there is no better way to rearrange my day that will solve my lack of time dilemma. There is nothing I feel comfortable cutting out of my life. There is no way to prioritize better or use better boundaries to protect my time, and still honor myself and others the way I feel is important.
The worst part is that during this season of being flat out of time, I find myself going to bed every night, apologizing to God for not having spent more time with him. Not having spent any time with him. I've been reminded by friends and family that I think about God and think toward God all day long. Those things count. But there is a felt loss around the absence of quality time, listening time, learning time with God. I feel I am missing out on Him, but more painfully, I feel guilty. Where are the lines, here? When is it OK to accept grace and let yourself off the hook because the cat is vomiting a dirty diaper, the air conditioner broke, and you're doing the work of two people? When do I need to use better boundaries and priorities and say "Enough is enough. God comes first and I don't care if the roof falls in, I'm talking to Him right now."
The Lord is loving and merciful, slow to become angry and full of constant love. Psalms 145:8
I've come to rest in a place where I know God loves me even when I'm not doing a quiet time. At all. I don't always go to church, I don't pray every single day, I seldom read my Bible for the purpose of meeting with Him. Yet I have peace, that because of His grace, he gets it. He knows my human limitations and forgives me everyday when I ask. He meets me where I am and speaks to me in ways I can hear in the midst of the busyness. He does not let me forget my sin. Regularly, he reminds me to check my intentions. Do I really not have enough time today or am I avoiding Him? He hears my heart, and my ache to be closer to Him. I believe that's all He wants. Our hearts. Hopefully our hearts being in love with Him would lead to spiritual disciplines being lived out. When it doens't mean that, He is graceful to offer his covering over where we fall short. Whether its not enough time, energy, motivation, focus, desire, or direction that you struggle with, check your sin, respond, and remember he's no less adoring of you.
What a relief, because in this moment, I don't have time for God.
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
I have a relative who in the past, used the phrase "I don't have time," until it was broken down and useless in her vocabulary. When I heard it used I imagined rolling my eyes and shouting, "Get over it!" What I was thinking was that if she managed her time differently, prioritized better, or set better boundaries, she wouldn't have that problem. I never viewed lacking time as an actual, valid dilemma. I thought it was purely the result of poor choices.
To some extent I still believe this. It is our society that is to blame, for suggesting we put so much on our plates, in order to measure up to the "norm". If Americans valued humans as much as they do output, I don't think we'd be in the time dilemma we find ourselves. Recently I've been having problems with my computer and several days I've been without a computer at work. Those days have been the most relaxed, client-focused days I've had in years. It has caused me to contemplate intentionally leaving my computer at home once a week, or some other manner of regularly releasing myself from the chains of technology. Doing so allows me time to do things I normally tell myself I don't have time to do, like updating the year stickers on my charts, and organizing my office. When I'm really taking care of myself I'll read or pray or reflect.
The realization I've had over the last 6 months, is that no matter how well one manages his or her time, there are still times when there just isn't enough time. I've tried to explain with logic and evidence, why my life suddenly got so busy and still fail to understand what happened exactly. All I know is that beginning January of 2011, I have been so busy, I don't have time. I don't have time for friends, I don't have time to clean, I don't have time to think (which I really miss). Sometimes I don't have time to shower. And there is no better way to rearrange my day that will solve my lack of time dilemma. There is nothing I feel comfortable cutting out of my life. There is no way to prioritize better or use better boundaries to protect my time, and still honor myself and others the way I feel is important.
The worst part is that during this season of being flat out of time, I find myself going to bed every night, apologizing to God for not having spent more time with him. Not having spent any time with him. I've been reminded by friends and family that I think about God and think toward God all day long. Those things count. But there is a felt loss around the absence of quality time, listening time, learning time with God. I feel I am missing out on Him, but more painfully, I feel guilty. Where are the lines, here? When is it OK to accept grace and let yourself off the hook because the cat is vomiting a dirty diaper, the air conditioner broke, and you're doing the work of two people? When do I need to use better boundaries and priorities and say "Enough is enough. God comes first and I don't care if the roof falls in, I'm talking to Him right now."
The Lord is loving and merciful, slow to become angry and full of constant love. Psalms 145:8
I've come to rest in a place where I know God loves me even when I'm not doing a quiet time. At all. I don't always go to church, I don't pray every single day, I seldom read my Bible for the purpose of meeting with Him. Yet I have peace, that because of His grace, he gets it. He knows my human limitations and forgives me everyday when I ask. He meets me where I am and speaks to me in ways I can hear in the midst of the busyness. He does not let me forget my sin. Regularly, he reminds me to check my intentions. Do I really not have enough time today or am I avoiding Him? He hears my heart, and my ache to be closer to Him. I believe that's all He wants. Our hearts. Hopefully our hearts being in love with Him would lead to spiritual disciplines being lived out. When it doens't mean that, He is graceful to offer his covering over where we fall short. Whether its not enough time, energy, motivation, focus, desire, or direction that you struggle with, check your sin, respond, and remember he's no less adoring of you.
What a relief, because in this moment, I don't have time for God.
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
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