O to Be Engaged: The Power of Presence

I recently committed myself to take part in an intimate professional retreat, consisting of 5 therapists and one leader. Over two days time, we explored dignity, depravity, fear, wrestling with God, and power, all of which are lusciously rich subjects that provide ample opportunity for discovery and growth. As I shared my personal reflections at the close of the retreat, I realized that over and above anything I gained in content, my heart had been deeply touched by the experience of being engaged. Our leader, a kind, gentle, and truth speaking man, come into our group and with little hesitation, and took on the task of engaging each of us as fully and completely as one could expect from another human. He listened to each of us, with defenseless ears of interest and understanding. He led and guided us as we sought to understand ideas like fear and depravity, as they relate to our own sin. He modeled quintessential patience and wisdom by challenging us when necessary, and taking a step back as needed. The essence of what this man did, that I called engaging, is also called emotional presence.

Emotional presence seems to be one of the recent terms tossed around by anyone and everyone, even those who have no idea what it means. My personal definition of the term, as it relates to others, is “interacting with another while fully experiencing your own thoughts and feelings, simultaneously allowing them to be available to the other.” When emotional presence is engaging, a person does the aforementioned while stepping into the world of their audience and interacting with it. Our leader walked into our worlds of problems, strengths, thoughts, and feelings, while also offering his own problems, strengths, thoughts and feelings. The result, at least for me, was life-giving.

The experience of having our leader “show up” for me, allowed me to feel valued and caused me to reach for the wisdom I yearned for. The opportunity to be accepted and listened to, became an opportunity to stretch and grow. Hearing myself describe the experience of enjoying our leader’s fully invested presence, helped me see I was feeling free and alive. I was feeling an aliveness to my desire to be poured into, believed in, and nudged on.  Oh, how I had been longing to be seen for who I am, accepted for exactly that, and given direction as to how to be more for myself and others. What a blessing to have these moments, in the presence of 4 treasured colleagues, to reacquaint me with my longing and nudge me in the direction of seeking it out.

I wonder as consumers, clients, and other readers consider my experience, what longings of their own, they relate this to? Besides the obvious things most of us want-money, stability, relationships, children, independence-what are your heart’s desires, that if met, could free you to go forward as a more alive, risk-taking, love-offering individual? What would your potential be if you were met with the emotional presence of another human, who accepted you for who you are and engaged you in your most difficult, ugly, shameful, challenging, and beautiful thoughts? What would be the potential if you were the one emotionally present and meeting others where they are? Both positions are opportunities for freedom from the chains of seeking other-validation, living based on shoulds, and loneliness. Are you aware of the extent of your loneliness that is based on self-protective hiding and emotional withholding? It is breaking our hearts each day, and much of the solution can be found in braving experiments in emotional presence.

By the grace of God, I was born the type that can’t help but be emotionally present. I’m forever intensely aware of my own thoughts and feelings, and at the same time highly invested in seeking out others’. I have laughed with friends and colleagues that I have no formal therapy to offer-no research based methodology or terminology, no techniques, theories, or assessments, I just have what I call “Jennifer Morgan therapy.” The therapy I do best, is just being me. I don’t know how great I am, but people keep coming back. So if any of what I’ve said appeals to you, drop me a line. And do so with presence.