I recently committed myself to take part in an intimate
professional retreat, consisting of 5 therapists and one leader. Over two days
time, we explored dignity, depravity, fear, wrestling with God, and power, all
of which are lusciously rich subjects that provide ample opportunity for
discovery and growth. As I shared my personal reflections at the close of the
retreat, I realized that over and above anything I gained in content, my heart
had been deeply touched by the experience of being engaged. Our leader, a kind,
gentle, and truth speaking man, come into our group and with little hesitation,
and took on the task of engaging each of us as fully and completely as one
could expect from another human. He listened to each of us, with defenseless
ears of interest and understanding. He led and guided us as we sought to
understand ideas like fear and depravity, as they relate to our own sin. He
modeled quintessential patience and wisdom by challenging us when necessary,
and taking a step back as needed. The essence of what this man did, that I
called engaging, is also called emotional presence.
Emotional presence seems to be one of the recent terms
tossed around by anyone and everyone, even those who have no idea what it means.
My personal definition of the term, as it relates to others, is “interacting
with another while fully experiencing your own thoughts and feelings,
simultaneously allowing them to be available to the other.” When emotional
presence is engaging, a person does the aforementioned while stepping into the
world of their audience and interacting with it. Our leader walked into our
worlds of problems, strengths, thoughts, and feelings, while also offering his
own problems, strengths, thoughts and feelings. The result, at least for me,
was life-giving.
The experience of having our leader “show up” for me,
allowed me to feel valued and caused me to reach for the wisdom I yearned for.
The opportunity to be accepted and listened to, became an opportunity to
stretch and grow. Hearing myself describe the experience of enjoying our leader’s
fully invested presence, helped me see I was feeling free and alive. I was
feeling an aliveness to my desire to be poured into, believed in, and nudged
on. Oh, how I had been longing to be
seen for who I am, accepted for exactly that, and given direction as to how to
be more for myself and others. What a blessing to have these moments, in the
presence of 4 treasured colleagues, to reacquaint me with my longing and nudge
me in the direction of seeking it out.
I wonder as consumers, clients, and other readers consider
my experience, what longings of their own, they relate this to? Besides the
obvious things most of us want-money, stability, relationships, children,
independence-what are your heart’s desires, that if met, could free you to go
forward as a more alive, risk-taking, love-offering individual? What would your
potential be if you were met with the emotional presence of another human, who
accepted you for who you are and engaged you in your most difficult, ugly,
shameful, challenging, and beautiful thoughts? What would be the potential if
you were the one emotionally present and meeting others where they are? Both
positions are opportunities for freedom from the chains of seeking
other-validation, living based on shoulds, and loneliness. Are you aware of the
extent of your loneliness that is based on self-protective hiding and emotional
withholding? It is breaking our hearts each day, and much of the solution can
be found in braving experiments in emotional presence.
By the grace of God, I was born the type that can’t help but
be emotionally present. I’m forever intensely aware of my own thoughts and
feelings, and at the same time highly invested in seeking out others’. I have laughed
with friends and colleagues that I have no formal therapy to offer-no research
based methodology or terminology, no techniques, theories, or assessments, I
just have what I call “Jennifer Morgan therapy.” The therapy I do best, is just
being me. I don’t know how great I am, but people keep coming back. So if any
of what I’ve said appeals to you, drop me a line. And do so with presence.
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